My maternal grandmother is a devout Mormon and also a retired lunch lady with a boy’s name. Here is her favorite picture of Jesus:
I remember it well as it was conveniently placed at the end of a long hallway in her house that doubled as my escape route from her belt.
The vast majority of my spankings were well deserved.
I knew I’d get it good for putting on one of Grandma Johnny’s wigs, but I couldn’t help myself. The look of sheer terror on my older sister, Erika’s, face was worth it as I tore off through the house screaming with one of the largest ones I could find draped over my tiny head.
I looked like a wig barfing up a small child.
Grandma would chase me in circles as best she could trying hard not to laugh. She certainly didn’t laugh the time I attempted to block a spanking using a small baking tin I had stuffed into my underwear to serve as butt armor.
Once she snuck up behind me as I was shaking jello in a small glass goblet explaining to my sister in a wobbly cartoon voice how it looked like Grandma in her rocking chair.
She paid me back for this behavior by forcing me to watch Elvis’ live concert, “Aloha from Hawaii”, over a hundred times and by always bringing bean burritos with us into the movie theater.
We had the same Jesus portrait – twas a popular one. I just can’t get over how much it looks like Rick Pickett nowadays.
I always thought he looked a lot like Ron Moody as Fagin in Oliver, the movie.
But from what I gather Jesus is pretty much against pocket picking.
he looks just like all my boyfriends, that’s what
when did ole J boy sit for a portrait!?
Actually, we didn’t have any Jesus pictures because we were Episcopalians and it was in poor taste but my Irish Catholic neighbors had a Jesus with his chest all ripped out and his heart surrounded by thorns and blood dripping down right over their breakfast nook. Whoa, some wild open heart surgery or what?
update: I knew I had seen this picture somewhere else very recently, and sure enough it was looking at me on my way out of the Y this evening. haha!
Mont – I believe that was the 1st century, but who’s counting?
Beth – The best part of waking up is Jesus’ blood in your cup. Haven’t you seen that commercial?
Emily – Could you hear his birkenstocks clacking away on the treadmill?
dude, grandma johnny is the coolest. and i’m pretty sure she actually has hair.
She does have hair!
I neglected to mention how weird it is that she wears a really bad wig over her nice, full head of hair.
[...] feb 2008 april wrote some minor thoughts about jesus a bit ago. and, it seems, i must link to her all the time [...]
ola comoestas me yamo nicole claros y soy prostituta y me gustass