Yesterday I wore a blouse that just so happened to be a NY Giants shade of blue. I kept my trips to the lobby for coffee down to a minimum because people kept trying to high five me.
At first I thought: Is he about to… hit me?
The only escape I had in mind was to quickly duck and a grab the end of the long, walk-off rug, and roll to the other side of the lobby creating one, very large, super protective, burrito shield.
I thought about just staying in there and having my favorite janitor cut eye holes out for me. Then I’d wear it back up to my office and send it back down the elevator to the lobby by itself.
I never had time to explain that I didn’t even watch the Superbowl. Instead, I watched Girl Positive starring an HIV positive Jennie Garth on Lifetime.
“Hooking up can bring anybody down.”
True, but the message ended up being less of the preventive/informative nature and more about thank goodness we have made these enormous advancements in medicine so that I can skip the lesions and take the diarrhea.
But then I cried because why was I even looking for meaning a Jennie Garth movie?
I’ve been doing a lot of crying lately and I had to wait a while to write this because I want to admit embarrassing things I’ve done that are more embarrassing because they just happened.
It’s easier for me to talk about how that girl with down syndrome beat me up in 6th grade because it was so long ago.
Telling nobody/everybody about having my very first drunk lady fit and hastily throwing my earrings across the room at the wall until they broke wasn’t funny until this morning when I woke up and saw my fat, black, cat walking around with one dangling from his panther mouth.
I should talk about my feelings before I have five large glasses of Gaelic Ale.
Note: The most embarrassing part about all of this is that throwing jewelry after drinking too much Gaelic Ale makes me sound like Frodo Baggins the loose cannon.
Why don’t I just start a mosh pit at the Renaissance Festival?
Or load a t-shirt gun full of my Dungeons and Dragons dice?
Wow, so dramatic. I’ve always wanted to break all my plates like Steve Buscemi in Parting Glances. Then someone else comes in and cleans up and buys me those hand painted Italian plates.
Haha, I’ve never seen Parting Glances.
I’ll put that in my queue – because I’m a robot.
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