Shouldn’t we all be able to hop right into a decompression chamber after a visit home for the holidays? I came up too fast and my brain is swelling. I know this because I attempted to put my underwear on over my head yesterday morning. Contrary to popular belief I’m actually not even a buttface.
I [...]
Archive for December, 2008
The bends.
Posted in Childhood, Food, Health, Time Travel on December 31, 2008 | 11 Comments »
The truth Hz.
Posted in Boobs, Film, Health, Movies, Music on December 19, 2008 | 5 Comments »
I feel like a deranged Todd Solondz version of Polly Pocket this morning.
Included:
1. One pair of period panties, black, size WB (weather balloon).
2. Two extremely large, fabric bandages to cover the blisters on your heels because you’re foolishly sacrificing the health and well-being of your feet for a perky rear end.
3. One safety pin to close the [...]
We can be heroes.
Posted in Braces, Food, Health, Horror, Insects, Zombies on December 10, 2008 | 12 Comments »
Today I’ll proudly laminate my Advanced First Aid, Infant, Adult, and Child CPR certification cards. I should’ve started this off with a joke about how I spent all day yesterday making out with a dummy.
The class was held at the American Red Cross and I read a book about vampires right next to the blood bank, [...]
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