The most wonderful circle of friends a gal could ask for went behind my back to gather money for someone else to get behind my back and rub on it for a large sum of money.
Some people call it a massage. I call it admitting to the spa staff and you all that I’m really nothing more than a piece of food. Albeit a very relaxed and mouthy morsel.
I waited for a few minutes at the end of a dark hallway watching people come in and out of doors. Some like me were there to be marinated and tenderized while others were going to be plucked, sucked, waxed, and stoned.
I didn’t take the seaweed wrap option because you really can’t be too sure they won’t feed you to a giant with a craving for human sushi afterward.
Joe, my massage therapist, looked like an updated version of a He-Man action figure. For the record, he blew my mind and melted my insides with the mystical power of Grayskull.
I have to admit though, I spent the first few minutes wishing someone would slip me a downer. They should really rethink the musical combination of waves crashing against the shore accompanied by a crying piano. I couldn’t stop thinking about shipwrecked beauties like the RMS Titanic or the movie, The Piano.
My stars, all this time I had no idea what I was missing. I felt downright sloppy drunk when he was through. Thankfully I was all alone in that room when my oily, Gumby foot hit the stepping stool. People falling is funny enough with clothes on, can you imagine?
Don’t imagine.
You told me not to, so now I’m powerless to stop the imagining! :)
I’m always afraid of cameras in those rooms.
But I’m glad you enjoyed being slathered and smothered, hashbrown!
ordy – Perhaps wanting people to imagine me falling in the nude is just a(nother) deep, dark secret of mine.
emily – Have they ever covered your back in hot, wet blankets? That made me feel like claustrophobic, homemade bread dough.
OMG, the mystical wonders of spa-liciousness. Our ultimate spa in the NW is owned by Koreans and they do it right. They even have a cafe where you can eat kimchi in your lettle terry kimono. And they scrub off all your skin. With vigor. Welcome to the world of healthiness and soaking! May you indulge many more XXXXX.
Auntie Em
Beth – I feel like they pushed all my bad energy to my feet. Would you do me a big favor and lop them off?
Hon, that’s what Birkenstocks are for, all those monster massage-bad juju feet. And you don’t even have to bend down to tie them.