I hover between delighting in conversation with other women at the gym and being completely, mentally chafed by it.
A couple weeks ago a real looker of a blonde-y asked me what I was reading as I was hard at work huffing and puffing and blowing my way through a cardio session on the elliptical. While I took a few hours to catch my breath (I was a Texan, teenage, Marlboro red smoker) she offered, “I’m always looking for a new book!”
Something about the way she was beaming up at me from the treadmill really caught me off guard. She never broke her stride and I can hardly turn a page without belly flopping off of the machine.
Here’s my winning reply: “It’s good!!!” I should capitalize that because I did sort of shout it as I flashed her the title quickly, but it’s almost too embarrassing (even for me) to share that part. She smirked and looked away.
Instead of turning the next page with a moistened fingertip I wiped my forehead and pruned the following pages with a handful of nervous sweat.
It’s too bad Amazon doesn’t carry my next read in anything other than paperback. I was going to request it on toddler vinyl with more pictures. Wait, maybe less in this case.
It’s difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.
Thanks for posting on this subject. I’ve had similar “issues” on many forms of gym equipment! Love, Goddess
As always, I’m glad I’m not actually alone.
i KNEW it! haha
Kate – I never actually read Satan Burger, but it looked so great on the shelf. Same with Razor Wire Pubic Hair. :(
I once mis-programmed the treadmill and stepped on doing a 4 MINUTE MILE and instead of dialing it back I TURNED IT UP and went flying off onto the floor after first smacking my butt on the belt. O yas. In a college gym where everyone IGNORED me. One lady in flowered tights came over and helped me up. My leg was bleeding but, plucky gal that I am, I got right back on, watching the blood run down my leg in the mirror. But my ass was killing me so I reached around back there and there was a huge HOLE in my shorts with my skinned butt cheek hanging out. I pulled my teeshirt down over the whole mess and kept going. Irrepressible, that’s me.
Just had to share.
Beth – There’s a meeting through a glass wall ahead of me and I had to duck behind my computer to serious, face contorting laugh at your story.
How do some women float on the treadmill so effortlessly?
Reading on it is so dangerous, but I can’t help myself. I can’t even do “no hands” trick some ladies do. When I let go of the handles to turn the page my legs start to panic and I begin tripping over myself fumbling with my book making a big scene, but it’s worth it to eat a whole pizza when I get home.
that is a great story, Beth!
I’ve never had any injuries, but I usually drop one of the following items while on the elliptical:
iPod
keys
water bottle
magazine
sweaty towel
stink bomb
Emily – I can’t tell you how many bookmarks I’ve lost. I’m afraid they’ll jam up the machine one of these days and I’ll be held accountable.