Browntown girl.

I adore the couple I’m house sitting for as well as their positively dreamy Boxer, Daisy, and the homemade gumbo they left for me (labeled GUMBO YUMBO!) in the fridge. 

However, I’m afraid their mattress is a real sleep swindler.  It felt like there were file cabinets under the sheets.  I hope it’s actually just boxes upon boxes of collectible Boglins in their original packaging. 

I’m entirely stubborn about these things though which is why I’m to blame for the corpse face I’m gracing Uptown Charlotte with this morning.  I could have relocated to the guest bedroom, or even the couch.  Instead, it became an endurance challenge that I lost every hour when I woke up. 

“I can do thiiiiiiiiiiissssssss.”  Daisy would look up at me with these colossal, snuff colored ”give up, you idiot” eyes.  In my half asleep stupor our exchange was much more elaborate. 

She would ask me if I’d ever read Goldilocks and the Three Bears and before I could answer she’d explain how the story couldn’t have ended with:

 ”She lay down in the first bed and it was too hard, but she slept there anyway until her butt fell asleep.  She thought the rest of her body would follow suit, but that never happened.  Then the three bears came home and caught her with her bare ass in the cold porridge where a feeble attempt to bring it back to life was underway.  The bears called the cops and had her arrested for indecent exposure therefore banishing her from the forest for all eternity.  The end.”  

As it turns out this place is just the same with one eye open.  People are still shitting on the sidewalk outside our office building.  Let’s face it, one needn’t two eyes to identify that aromatic endowment.