I feel like middle school all over again. I hung out with the "bangers" (not of the finger kind) and dated one of two Jewish twins. Scott and Chris Gould. Chris was the more normal, likeable, conventionally attractive brother. Scott brought tiny action figures to school, wore flannel over t-shirts in the summertime, and never talked to anyone. His favorite action figure was Grover because this was right at the height of the Muppet Baby comeback.
I sat behind him on purpose in homeroom so I could prop my vinyl see through book bag up on my desk and watch him whisper things in Grover's ear and throw him across the room when our teacher wasn't looking.
If you've only known me for the last five seconds I'm sure it's not difficult to tell which of the twins ended up being my boyfriend, is it?
I only remember physically hanging out with Scott Gould once outside of school, but I still loved him and bought him a Downward Spiral c.d. for his birthday. I spent several a school night wrapped in a blanket in my bedroom closet cuddling the cordless phone in one hand and the stereo speaker in the other. "The Only Time" was my favorite song to listen to on the phone with him because when Trent said, "While the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car" I knew we would both imagine having sex with each other. I didn't want to have sex because I was still pre occupied with Toxic Shock Syndrome, but I still liked to think about it.
I didn't think Scott wanted to have sex either, so I was a little surprised at the events that followed our first/last date at Movies 10 (The River Wild). My biological mom was picking us up and she was late, so he sat up on a handicap rail and I wrapped my arms around his little waist.
I remember being absolutely terrified to make out with him, so I didn't want to look up. Oops, I looked up. He was looking down at me and I knew it was going to happen. Our eyes met, our lips met, our—TONGUES! I didn't know what I was doing and ended up licking his entire mouth like a yogurt lid and he sighed. He sighed. Loudly. I apologized and resumed the waist hugging. I wasn't about to try that whole tongue thing again, are you kidding me?
We didn't speak a word to each other until later that night on the phone. When he called I could hear his friends laughing in the background and he told me that I was too prude for him. The guy that everyone made fun of for talking to action figures in class dumped me.
My parents expressed a hint of concern when I stormed out into the backyard with a bunny rabbit he had given me for Easter that year. Maybe because I was also carrying scissors and bottles of red and black nail polish. I'm sure they shrugged and looked the other way as I ripped out all the stuffing and thrashed my arms around with polish in hand.
It's been almost 11 years since then and I'm finally going to see Nine Inch Nails.
I'm not a virgin any more and I have heart burn… quite often.
that reminded me of how once when i was a tween i was hangin out with my aunt (the one who has the triplets now) and she was drivin me home and she had the pretty hate machine cassette and i rememeber bein all “woah SHE has that?” and she played it because i asked her to and she got all embarrassed when the devil wanted to eff in the backseat. then she GAVE me the tape HEE HEEEEEEEEEE!
pretty late machine D:
I remember listening purchasing the downward spiral in Fort Collins, CO on a church trip that my parents FORCED me to go on as punishment for shoplifting. Showed them. I came back all ready to have sex with the family cat.
As far as first kisses go…sorry, can’t relate. I’ve been suave my whole life.
I was going to say something about applying my yogurt top licking technique to different areas that Summer, but then I remembered that my father reads this sometimes.
Great story!
Hey thanks, you.
haha
‘Anonymous Lumper’
I think they meant Anonymous Lumpur.